Best Ass
by AngelShep
Summary: "I'll have you know that I have been voted the best ass of the whole SHIELD." "You mean you really have a competition for… best ass?" "Yep. We do. And I'm the winner!" "That's because I'm just a consultant." One-shot, humor.


**Hello! Here's a little something I found in my computer. I wrote it after seeing IM3 while thinking about that little dance of RDJ at the beginning and then... Well you get what I thought about ;)**

**So just a good laugh and fun.**

**Happy reading!**

**Disclaimer: Avengers aren't mine!**

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**Best Ass**

_Enough was enough, there was something wrong going on here_.

Tony narrowed his eyes at the different agents – mostly of the female category, but some men as well – that were ostensibly watching _Clint_ walking by them and then _checking out_ his ass. That was way too much for Tony, because really? Clint? What the hell had gone through the agents' head for them to suddenly think Clint's ass was worth checking out?

Now he could understand if some looked. He wasn't so obnoxious as to think Clint wasn't a nice looking guy and couldn't attract some looks. But ninety percent of the SHIELD population? Yeah, they weren't going to fool him on that, something had happened and he _was _going to get to the bottom of it.

He walked past the agents and followed Clint and Natasha as they went closer and closer to the small gym they both (as well as Steve) insisted on using. Why they didn't like the gym he had made for them was beyond him – endless punching balls (he was working on a new indestructible one), as much place as might needed, a shooting range for Clint and one for Natasha, and different courses for both of them so that they could jump, climb, run and do whatever the hell they liked to do to train. But no, miss and misters didn't like it and had to go back to their little pitiful gym.

He blocked the door before it could close and walked in, surprised to see not just Steve, but _Bruce_ as well. What was wrong with the gym at the tower, seriously?

He strode forward until he was standing in front of Steve, Bruce and the two agents who had just joined them. He crossed his arms and narrowed his eyes. "What's wrong with the gym at the Tower?" he asked, voice demanding. Okay and maybe that wasn't the reason why he was here, but, yeah, whatever. He still wanted to know that too.

Clint smirked. "Nothing." Tony glared at him.

Steve shrugged. "He's right, the gym there is good. It's just… You've done enough for us and…"

Tony cut him off, gesturing at the whole four of them. "Is this some kind of twisted way to make you feel better about using the Tower? Cause seriously that's fucked up guys." He raised his arms up in the air in frustration. "It doesn't even make a dent in my bank account, like at all. Nothing, nada, niente, rien, zero."

He raised a hand up before Steve could say anything. He then turned to Clint, pinning him under his gaze and going back to the real matter at hand. Because let's face it, the fact that all (or mostly all) of SHIELD agents checked _him_ out was the real problem here.

"Can you tell me why all the agents kept checking you out?" Tony demanded, raising an eyebrow at the archer.

The man raised his eyebrows before smirking. He crossed his arms and adopted a smug expression while Natasha chuckled, shaking her head at his antics. Steve frowned, looking between both of them with a disapproving gaze, while Bruce rolled his eyes.

"Why? Jealous?" Clint teased.

He gave him an unimpressed look. "Of you? Please." He made a swiping gesture up in the air and scoffed. "Just wondering what they could possibly check out cause, darling, there's nothing to see."

Clint narrowed his eyes at him. "I'll have you know that I have been voted the best ass of the whole SHIELD," he said very seriously.

Tony looked at him, not saying anything for a moment, before bursting out laughing, because really that must be the best joke he heard in years. How was it possible that they ended up with this conclusion? Clint? Really?

"Good one, I almost believed you, but really, why?"

Natasha raised an eyebrow. "It's true, Stark."

"You mean you really have a competition for… best ass?" Bruce wondered, eyes wide.

Steve bit his lip while Clint shrugged. "Yep. We do. And I'm the winner!"

"That's because I'm just a consultant," Tony cut him off, holding his head up and a smirk firmly plastered on his face.

"Suuuure. Cause you're Tony Stark you have to have a better ass than me," Clint snorted.

Other agents that were in the gym were starting to pay attention to them, slowly gathering around. Tony didn't mind, he was fully ready to show everyone their choice was the wrong one. Obviously they hadn't seen him enough to think _Clint_'s ass was the best one. Time to prove them wrong.

"Clint please. Everyone knows my ass is a fine piece of work. Always has been." Tony shrugged one shoulder and turned around. "But believe what makes you feel good." He fished his phone out of his pocket and threw one last glance over his shoulder. "But I _know_ my ass's better, Legolas."

He walked forward, only to 'accidently' hit Steve's arm, making his phone fall from his hand. He smiled as everyone's gaze was on him. He bent down, holding with one hand onto Steve's arm, and slowly – wasn't about to shorten the little show – he stretched his arm and grabbed his phone. He made a show of sliding it inside his back pocket while he stood back up and then, when he was done he walked out.

When he was out, he grabbed the phone again and within a few seconds, he was watching the live feed of the gym cameras. He grinned at the look and blush on most people's face. Yep, he'd done well.

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"What was that?" Steve stuttered out as he stared at the place where Stark's hand had held onto him.

Natasha glanced at Clint's gaping mouth and the agents' face. "This was Stark's way of showing _he_ had a better ass." She shrugged. "Can't blame him there, I wouldn't mind grabbing that ass."

"You're not serious," Clint said, suddenly recovering from his momentary lapse of attention.

"Clint. You tried to argue with a man that was once a well-known playboy and who still have a reputation. And well…" Natasha sent him an amused grin.

"He's hot as hell," blurted out a young female agent behind them. She quickly covered her mouth, eyes wide, while they all turned to look at her.

"And this, yes," Natasha concluded.

"My ass is still better," Clint complained.

Bruce rolled his eyes. An agent snorted. "Your butt's fine, Barton, but you can't compete with Stark's yummy and delicious ass." The agent shrugged and exited. Several nodded at the statement before going out as well.

Clint gaped at the retreating agents before turning begging eyes to Natasha. "Tash? Come on, I'm better right?" She gave him a stoic look, expression blank, while Bruce repressed a laugh. Steve shook his head and walked to the bags, grabbing one. "Tasha?"

"You do realize you walk into Stark's trap?" she wondered, instead of answering.

He narrowed his eyes at her before crossing his arms and pouting – he didn't care if he looked childish. Here were his friends saying Stark – Tony _fucking_ Stark – had a better _ass_ than him (and yeah he knew they were Tony's friends too, but still, it wasn't fair). Couldn't he have one thing for once Stark couldn't beat him at (except for the archery thing, he was very very bad at that)? It just wasn't fair _at all_.

Cause damn it, Stark _did_ have a good ass.

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**So? Like it? Hate it? Love it? Review please!**

**AngelShep**


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